Writing Songs

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Dear Sir or Madam,
Will you read my book? It took me years to write, will youtake a look? It's based on a novel by a man named Lear and I need a job, so Iwant to be a paperback writer.

It's a dirty story of a dirty man, and his clinging wife doesn't understand. Theirson is working for the Daily Mail, it's a steady job but he wants to be apaperback writer,

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week ortwo. I can make it longer if you like the style. I can change it round and Iwant to be a paperback writer.

If you really like it you can have the rights. It could makea million for you overnight. If you must return it, you can send it here. But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer.
Sincerely,
Paperback Writer
I'm a Beatles fan and I've probably listened to the song "Paperback Writer" (these are slightly modified lyrics) a couple hundred times but it wasn't until I wrote my first query letter that I actually understood what John Lennon and Paul McCartney were getting at.

It's a freaking query letter!

Like most writers, I'm fascinated by words. So I guess it's not surprising that I love song lyrics. I've even written a couple songs myself!

And I LOVE it when two of my favorite things come together, writing and music.

There are dozens of songs that reference different aspects of writing. Lyric writing is a craft unto itself but it shares a lot with all writing genres. For example:

Anna Nalick shares the pain of the creative process and what it feels like to have something so personal go out into the world for everyone to put their own spin on.


Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings share their thoughts about work ethic and dealing with publishers music executives.


And Vampire Weekend even has strong opinions about grammar!

  I'll leave you today with a quote from songwriter and singer Tracy Chapman that mirrors my own feelings about all types of writing:
 
Songwriting is a very mysterious process. It feels like creating something from nothing. It's something I don't feel like I really control.

Sci-Fi Stories and Paying Market

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Just a quick heads up:

If you're looking for some quality science-fiction, check out Abyss & Apex. They have some pretty awesome FREE stories up on their site.

For all you sci-fi writers, A&A is also a paying market: "US $.05/word (five cents a word) up to 1,500 words, and a flat payment of $75.00 for longer stories".

I submitted a story a few days ago. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
 

What Are Writers Scared Of?

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We're knee deep in the Halloween season and there are spooky and scary writing contests all over the internet. I'm not big on a lot of these contests (it's difficult enough finding time to work on my current writing projects) but I couldn't resist Chuck Wendig's Flash Fiction Challenge over at TerribleMinds. The rules were simple: write a horror story in 3 sentences using 100 words or less.

Man that's a lot harder than it sounds.

After a few gajillion revisions I came up with:

I can feel tears run back across my temples and cool air caressing my naked skin, but I cannot wipe the tears away, cannot cover up.

“The paralytic should be in full effect by now,” he says over the whine of the buzz-saw.

I cannot scream.

I feel pretty good about it. It may not be particularly original but I think it's pretty scary. When posting it to TerribleMinds, I started perusing the other entries and found myself fascinated by what different folks came up with. Being the super nerdy scientist type that I am, I busted out my Excel spreadsheet and took a tally to see what writers (at least those that like flash fiction challenges) find scary.

NOTE: AS A SCIENCE GEEK I FEEL THE NEED TO...sorry, I'll stop yelling...the need to point out that these "statistics" are super unscientific and relied a great deal on my interpretation of the stories. That being said, please enjoy my nerdyness.

This first graph represents the percentage of stories that had protagonist, antagonist, or neutral view points/main characters. I defined protagonist as "scary stuff happening to them" and protagonist as "the one doing the scary stuff". "Neutral" were those main characters that were simply witnessing something scary and really didn't have anything to do with the story. I was surprised that more writers didn't have the bad guy as the MC (although I didn't either). I just thought more of us would take the opportunity to use that viewpoint. 

 

 This graph shows the number of stories that fell within a common premise. Not all of the stories are represented here. These are mostly the ones that fell into a category that I could figure out (same for the rest of the graphs). Being eaten was a big one. Of the 19 in that category, 5 involved cannibalism, 2 of those involving infant cannibalism (parents eating babies to be specific). The "Dying or Dead" category involved stories who's MC was dying or already dead without a clear explanation of why. The "Slasher-like" category is a little broad but includes stories that had a knife/chainsaw/etc. wielding killer. The "Child Accident" category included stories where the child of the MC is hurt or killed, usually due to the neglect of the MC/parent. I found these especially disturbing but not particularly...scary (if that makes sense).



Of the stories that had an identifiable "Bad Guy", the antagonist was overwhelmingly human. I guess us writers are far more scared of people than the supernatural. Of the humans, there were 12 true slashers, 4 evil kids, 3 doctors, and one clown. The rest were just "regular" people. "Monsters" were clearly non-human beasts without any defining characteristics. Of the animals, there were 2 cat, insect, and rodent stories and 1 story each for snakes and dogs. I was surprised that there was not a single alien story.

This one is of themes that turned out to be common in the stories. Most of theme are pretty standard in the horror genre although I did find the number of "Creepy House" stories a little disappointing. Haven't we done that one to death?!?!?



This last graph might just represent me being a jerk. I'm not sure. Basically, these are the people that didn't follow the directions. The "Cheaters" are those stories that tried to cram way more than 3 sentences in by having crazy amounts of semi-colons, commas, and dashes. Cheaters. "Wrong Genre" were those that really didn't have anything to do with horror. These include funny stories that didn't have any scary elements. There were a number of scary stories that were also funny but that's something completely different (and awesome). The "Chuck Love" category included stories who's sole purpose was to brown-nose Mr. Wendig. Have some pride people. The final category included references so obscure that I had to google them in order to have any idea what their story was about. Yikes.

There you have it.

Confessions of a Conference Crasher

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Tis the season for professional conferences of all ilks. Last week I presented a poster at the National meeting of The Wildlife Society (TWS) in Portland, OR. Thousands of wildlife professionals, researchers, and students met for 5 days to exchange ideas and network. I had a pretty successful meeting. I talked to some big names and got a few resumes out to prospective employers. Good stuff.

But that wasn't the only conference I attended.

Last week, Portland also hosted the largest writing conference in the Pacific Northwest. Wordstock included talks and discussions with dozens of notable authors, playwrights, songwriters, agents, and publishers. It's a veritable whos-who of word nerds.

And I crashed it.

Right off the bat, let me say that I feel a little guilty about it. I really try to be a good guy and sneaking into an event, and in doing so taking attention and space from legitimate attendees, does not fall into the "good guy" category. Plus, I'd really like to not get in trouble for this. Just in case you were planning to rat me out.
 

That having been said, it was awesome.

I had noticed Wordstock when walking around the Oregon Convention Center (which is HUGE). On the opening night of the TWS conference I decided not to attend the plenary session but instead shuffled my way into the middle of a pack of writers and managed to slip by the badge-checkers at the front door of Wordstock.

Let me point out that at 6'4", 220lbs, it's not easy for me to sneak in places.

Once inside I went to every booth, talked to a number of independent publishers, met a couple agents (including the lovely ladies at Loose Leaf Literary who I encourage everyone to check out) and even  managed to listen to a FASCINATING and potentially transformatory panel discussion about voice in memoir writing titled "The Heart of the Matter".

I learned all kinds of stuff.

I learned that writing people, at least at this conference, are on average young, female, and dressed in a way that says "I'm creative". I learned that writing people have cool tattoos. I learned that writing presentations have just as many people that ask annoying questions as wildlife conferences (seriously, who stands up and tells a panel of notable authors that the past 45 minutes have been uninteresting and all she wants to hear about is why an agent turned down her memoir - I wanted to punch her in the throat).

But the main thing I learned is that writing conferences really are worth it. I've been hesitant to spend the money to attend one of these events. It's hard to lay down a couple hundred dollars if you're uncertain how much you'll get out of something. But interacting with writers, hearing their advice, seeing the options out there, getting that sense of community, even for just an afternoon, it's made me a believer.

I learned that I want to go to another writers conference.

Who knows, this time I might even pay for it.

Lollipop and Grandpa's Back Garden Safari - Penelope Harper and illustrated by Cate James

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Summary:
Back gardens have never been this exciting! Lollipop and Grandpa are intrepid explorers, always on the lookout for the next adventure! It’s often just the two of them against the world in their expeditions, armed only with ham sandwiches and imagination. In this book they set out on an exciting expedition in the back garden where they encounter Chimpan-trees, a Hippo-potta-compost and even a Croco-logus. They’re prepared for action, but will Lollipop and Grandpa make it back home safely?~~~

I was given this book a little while ago and I completely fell in love with it. The story is charming, imaginative and heart-warming. It's great for kids who want to have some adventures in their garden or in the park - instead of a boring patch of grass, they can discover a world full of danger and scary creatures like the Chimpan-trees or the Croco-logus. Any corner of the garden can transform into a scary creature and there really isn't a peaceful place to eat ham sandwiches!
The illustrations by Edinburgh-based illustrator Cate James are simply fantastic. They're very stylish and evocative and play on textures as well as colour. The font is really easy to read and Penelope Harper's story is well-paced, funny and an amazing springboard for children's imagination. 
This is an adorable book for grandparents to read to their own little explorers and this is the start of an amazing picture book series about Lollipop's adventures with her Grandpa. Thumbs up from me!

Lollipop and Grandpa's Back Garden Safari, by Penelope Harper and illustrated by Cate James | 2012 | Phoenix Books | Age 3 to 5 | Gift

Death and the Girl Next Door-Darynda Jones

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Death and the Girl Next Door


Darynda Jones

St. Martin's Griffin, Oct 2 2012, $9.99

ISBN: 9780312625207



In Riley’s Switch, New Mexico, high school student Lorelei lives with her grandparents as she has for the last decade since her parents disappeared. Her grandparents and her best friends Brooklyn and Glitch worry about her the week before, during and after the anniversary of the vanishings.



At school, loner Cameron starts stalking Lorelei as he stands outside her home every night like a sentinel and seems to pop up out of nowhere just about wherever she may be. School newcomer Jared also showers attention on Lorelei. He and Cameron loathe each other at first sight with Lorelei as the cause of their hostility. Their disdain turns to fighting while a stunned Lorelei begins seeing visions of the new teen on the block fighting a monster.



This is a terrific young adult urban fantasy starring a strong cast anchored by the bewildered heroine. Fast-paced, teen readers will want to know the mystery of the “triangle” participants and whether they connect to her missing parents; as Darynda Jones provides a strong paranormal thriller.



Harriet Klausner

Ember's Kiss-Deborah Cooke

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Ember's Kiss


Deborah Cooke

Signet, Oct 2 2012, $7.99

ISBN: 9780451238252



Brandon Merrick denies his Pyr heritage as he refuses to use his dragon-shifting ability to protect mankind from the Slayers who plan to eradicate both races. His action has isolated him from his heartbroken family and his race, but he cares not one iota. Instead he has become a professional surfer working the waves off Hawaii. Chen the Slayer pretends to be an older friend of Brandon, who insists he can help the surfer control his undesirable dragon side. However, Chen in reality has been casting a binding spell on Brandon that will force the dolt to do his bidding.



Marine biologist Liz Barrett arrives in Hawaii to study the reefs. Like Brandon she flees her ancestry as a witch firedaughter. When they meet, their essence ignites the Firestorm as each recognizes their mate in the other. However, Chen has Brandon captured with only Liz, if she deploys her heritage, able to save her loved one and the innocent on the island.



The latest Dragonfire urban fantasy (see Flashfire) is a super thriller starring two protagonists rejecting genetics and a diabolical villain manipulating that denial. Action-packed, series fans will relish this superb entry that profoundly digs into an individual’s desires to include rejecting their inherited nature while also bringing witches into the Cooke mythos.



Harriet Klausner